You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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