I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
