Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
