Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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