Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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