You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
