Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
