Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize