also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
