does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
