As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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