I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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