smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
