Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
