My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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