Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
