Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
