If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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