and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
