I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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