i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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