can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Someone came in the potted fern
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
