I've blown a few things in my day
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
