No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
