Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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