i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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