I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
