It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
