Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
