Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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