Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
