I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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