Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
