What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
