I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
