I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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