she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
