I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
