Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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