two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
