I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
