I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize