I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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