Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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