apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
