Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
