Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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