Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
