I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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