Nicole vs. Life
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
