Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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