I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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