i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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