I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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