Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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