did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
