i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
