i'm signing you up for texting rehab
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
