There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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