batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize