so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
