I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
