if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
