Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
