I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
