I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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