The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
