we have pet lesbian snakes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
