just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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