I will die if light touches me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
