She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
its liver damage thursday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
