yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
