The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
