my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
