she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
