I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
