piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize