Swine flu. Run for my life!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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