yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
