Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
