my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
