Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
