Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
