Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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