sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
