pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
